May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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