Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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