I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
