I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
