I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
