If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
