A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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