you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
