do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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