i think my tv is drunk
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
