hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
