Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
