Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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