The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
