dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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