I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
