when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
