chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
