My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
