You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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