It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
