He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
