3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
