i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
