I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
