I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
