so that wasnt chicken after all
Quick, to the slutcave!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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