That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Boobs speak an international language.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
