Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If its not for food we ain't going out.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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