she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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