mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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