i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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