I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
