so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Randomize
