how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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