I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
