from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
where are my eyebrows?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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