Soap is not a condiment
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
