You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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