this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
