i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
