ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
