WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
