chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just puked most of my soul out..
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
