and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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