i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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