I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
