Whod you bang
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
