a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
