Best friends brother. Beat that.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
